Three years ago today there was a smile on my face and a glow about me… Well, perhaps a little bit of a green glow from nausea, but a glow of excitement as well. A baby was growing inside of me. Then there was the moment I sat in my doctor’s office excited to hear the news that we were having a baby girl. Instead he told me that she no longer had a heart beat. I remember feeling I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. She was already a part of our family and had already stolen our hearts. How could we go through this again? How would we tell the boys? How would I muster the strength to even take the next step?
My baby was gone but the baby bump was still there. The pain was still raw and the physical reminder of looking and feeling pregnant didn’t help. I had no desire to get dressed, or to even get out of bed for that matter, let alone find something to wear. As I went to my closet each day, nothing fit. I remember trying to piece together new outfits that would somehow hide the baby bump and fit over the extra weight. If I didn’t look pregnant, maybe for at least a moment, I would forget the great pain that filled my heart.
I had an even tougher choice to make each morning. I had to go into my spiritual closet and choose to pick out my clothing. I wanted to put on bitterness, depression, anger, and even apathy, but that was not an option. It no longer fit and I had gotten rid of those articles of clothing a long time ago. Oh, the temptation was there to go out and purchase them again but I had spent close to 20 years acquiring a much better wardrobe. Through daily time in prayer and study of His Word I began to fill my spiritual closet with a wardrobe of His attributes and gifts.
Let me make myself very clear for a moment. I am not saying that we cannot or should not grieve. I believe it is very important to grieve but it is quite amazing how beautiful, and even inspiring, grief can be when when paired with garments such as comfort and joy! I will say it is much more difficult to assemble such outfits if the items are not in our closets to begin with! We cannot wait until that moment of tragedy or that tough circumstance and then suddenly run out on a shopping spree hoping to find the perfect match of strength, peace and comfort. If you are anything like me, it’s in the moments you need it most that your emotional bank account is empty, making it difficult to purchase something new. In these moments, if it’s not already in the closet, it’s most likely not going to be put on.
As I looked at the garment of joy hanging in my closet, I was reminded of the high price paid to attain it. It was purchased through prayer and weeks of meditating on specific scriptures about joy and life. I had to work out some of my past pain and failures by applying these scriptures to my life. In doing so I had to let go of some disappointments and forgive some tough relationships. These difficult choices enabled me to add joy to my spiritual wardrobe.
So, in this time of overwhelming grief I chose to put on joy one more time and again turn to His Word for comfort. I focused on Philippians 4:8, recounting literally everything I could think of, big and small, that was positive and had the potential of promoting joy in my life. I thought about my family and friends, my house and my things, my great church, the food in the pantry, and even the flowers in the yard. I chose to continuously “think on these things” and give God thanks for each of them. I specifically recounted those times in the past when my heart had been broken or was heavy with disappointment and even depression. I remembered how as I would claim scriptures on life and joy, Jesus brought me through those dark times. Consciously meditating on all these things enabled me to put on a garment of gratitude. Day by day the process became easier and my eyes were again opened to the hope before me.
Each day as I physically get dressed and put on my clothing, I prayerfully make the choice to put on my spiritual clothing too. With each right choice I make, my spiritual wardrobe grows. There are days like today when grief is heavy on my heart and it is more difficult than others. Yet, over the years my God has helped me overcome even the most difficult days by clothing me with comfort, confidence, and a complete trust in Him. He has overwhelmed me with love, peace and even joy. These things are now staples in my wardrobe. Like my most comfortable pair of jeans, I prayerfully slip them on to position myself “strong and secure.”
In the Amplified Version of Proverbs 31:25 it says,
“Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future (the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it)!” The Message Version ends that same passage saying, “She always faces tomorrow with a smile.”
What does your spiritual wardrobe look like? What’s your “go to” garment? Can you face tomorrow with a smile or does your spiritual wardrobe need a spring cleaning, getting rid of any items that keep you from positioning yourself “strong and secure”? Is it time to acquire some new heavenly garments, no matter the cost, so you can step into your prayer closet at any moment and have the perfect outfit for every occasion?
Check out Romans 13:14 to find a great "go to" outfit. To continue shopping for some staples to your new wardrobe check out: Ephesians 6:10-18
Colossians 3:12-14
Galatians 3:27
Ephesians 4:22-24
Paula, if this was for no one else right now it was for me! Thank u I needed it more than words can express.
ReplyDeletePaula, thank you so much for sharing. Your victorious testimony is sure to help a lot of people, including me. It inspires me to know how much you've overcome and still overcome, because of your faith in God and His Word. The analogy of the prayer closet and paying the price of prayer to have ready the befitting wardrobe, is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI am reminded of the scripture, "Put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness." It's a command from Heaven, that if followed, can change our lives completely. I am so delighted you didn't go back to the old wardrobe; you are right! It's just doesn't fit anymore. Glory to God! Thanks for the post!
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